I am Here…

I find myself Here….
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It’s a place of accepting my smallness and the reality that I know nothing…

God is here and my relationship with Him secure; even in my brokenness and faulted human way of relating to Him. Everything else is uncertain.

In my youth this would have been an unwelcome place, now I embrace it.
I used to have an opinion on everything. Now I surprise myself by often staying quiet and not always jumping in to offer an opinion or suggest an action. I am no longer convinced that any human has an absolute understanding of God and how He operates (e.g. I know Him to be good – but do not understand the way He demonstrates it).

Everything I ever said I would “never” do has turned out the opposite for me.
A combination of Love and time has shown me that the complexities of life and the way relationships and people connect mean there are often no clear answers… only more questions. My view of the world is limited. This is a truth I now embrace.

I am here….

I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along. I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wondering awed about on a splintered wreck I’ve come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe a delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty bats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them…

2012 Trees in London in the late PM Annie Dillard (Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, 1975)

This post was inspired by Lisa-Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday word: HERE. I am loving joining other writers here each Friday for five minutes of unedited, free writing. 

Five Minute Friday

2 thoughts on “I am Here…

  1. This is raw and beautiful. I am so thankful to know I’m not alone in so many of these feelings.

    It’s almost funny how much confident I had in my youth, only to discover I was wrong (or at the least very limited) in so much of what I thoght.

    This is a great post.

    Sincerely,
    your FMF neighbor

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