Broken – Hope for my Selfishness

Yesterday felt like Friday in my world and so I waited all day for Lisa-Jo to post her Five Minute Friday Word…. but it didn’t happen :)… so I prayed for her and for me and then I wrote what Father had on my heart…. and I think you’ll agree even though I wrote it a day early it fits beautifully with her word today: BROKEN….

I am the kind of person who has always had to apologize for saying too much, being too opinionated, over-stepping the line. Even from 6 or 7 years old I remember having to go to grandparents, family or friends to apologize for saying the wrong thing or speaking out truth when “good polite girls” stay quiet…  At nearly 50 you think I’d learn…. but no, I just did it again… a massive “over-speak”! Once again forcing me to confront my worst self and the poverty that results from attempting to live by the flesh!!

How glorious that just prior to Easter, due to my own disappointing mess-up, I am reminded that I am in painful need of healing and that the only way I can live this life is by trusting Him moment by moment and by depending endlessly on His Life in me.2013-03-16 08.11.39

Perhaps I needed the graphic humiliation of failure to underscore what Abba has been showing me in this season of my life….

…to love better… reminding me that I was born for something more.

He has been gently allowing me to see my prideful, arrogant flesh – where I express an opinion without kindness or where I am operating according to my selfish flesh so that I side-step a situation that would require a detour to love well.

 The temptation to “go it alone” and live just as I please is strong……but the haunting of what He died for is forever written on my heart and so, no matter how alluring it seems to follow my own self-interest, deep down I want more…

I want His way of Love….and I am empty, oh so empty to do it myself…

This Easter I give thanks for the fact that He is encouraging me to abide and depend on His Life, so that the desire of my heart – to sacrificially love and to extend mercy and grace – can be revealed in and through me.

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Joining Lisa-Jo Baker and writers here for five minutes of unedited free writing, based on the word: Broken

Five Minute Friday